I’ve had occasion of late to think about the past. To be sure, the past of high school. It honestly could be any past, but for me I think about those years when I was 12 or 13 to when I was 17 or 18. Some, both or all in between...I was not particularly a fan of school. I was shy, and so thus not able to make friends well, and as I’ve realized now over the years, I’m fairly anti-social to start with. I did not realize that at the time. I could not explain to you why that is the case (sadly, I need a better therapist) but as I’ve looked at it recently, I cannot let go of a certain emotion.
There are many people that don’t like school. Certainly high school. You have your groups, or at least I did, and I didn’t fit...always fit...never fit. I was discussing briefly to another recently about “The Breakfast Club” which is a fine movie...I love the movie...but it was not indicative of my high school career as much as I recognized it and it fit my generation. We did indeed have the dweebs...the nerds...the jocks...the stoners...but I got something when I moved into high school that I had never had before. A found a family. A family of friends that, in many ways, remain my friends today. Not everyone gets that so I guess I was lucky. I came up in the late 80’s. Maybe things were different before, but I found a group of people that have influenced my life then, in the many years since then, and continue to do so today. Honestly, I have a number of groups throughout my life that have done that. High school...college...post school and since. I’ve been on a number of dating apps over the years and a question is often asked or prompted… “The thing about me is...”
The thing about me is that I will be a true friend if you are in return. Nothing against my family, and I love them, but THE thing that has sustained me throughout my life has been the deep and certain relationships I have developed in every step of that way. I have my family, but I also have...my FAMILY. That is all of the various people that have colored my life since I was barely able to keep my short pants up because I was so damn skinny and so skin pasty as to be compared to Caspar the Ghost. An outsider, as I thought of myself, and yet...so many good people have moved in and out of my life. I didn’t think of myself as part of a group, not after I got to high school. Just one of many. Many that were trying to figure it out. And...we had each other.
I won’t go chapter and verse of the many, but they are there and they know who they are should they read this. Into college, I had more. After that...even more. The thing is, I have tried in my life to surround myself with good people. Honest people. Real people. I’m a singular person and so I am drawn to those likewise inclined. People that wish and desire to be more than just themselves. People that want to be...for others. That’s what I had. What I got. What made me want to be now. A good man that cares. A good man that values family. A good man that values FAMILY.
One could get deep into the modern political environment, so I won’t, but there is no doubt that we suffer from an era in which people don’t want to hear what they don’t want to hear. All the time. Listen to your networks, read your websites...find your echo chamber. That is not what helped me grow from a young man to middle aged, and it likely won’t help anyone else. What helped me, and maybe yourself, is to find a group of people and just...belong. Just accept. Just enjoy. Trust is always important. Loyalty too. But the biggest to me is...just listen. That is acceptance, because you WANT to hear what another is saying. Because you seem to like them, but what are they saying? Hear them. I’m not great at it, to be sure. I’ve spent a good portion of my life trying to be heard. Yet step back...open your mind...and just listen. It doesn’t always work because so many others want to be heard as well, but when you just open your mind...try to enjoy and appreciate...make yourself available...you might find a Family too.
I cannot deny that I hated high school in many ways. I hated my life. I was a teenager. Is it not always thus? My friends that know Latin could find an appropriate phrase for that because it has been around forever. I was angst ridden (hello, rock and roll!), unsure about myself and about relationships and unsure about my future (such as I thought about it.) Yet I was very lucky to find myself involved with a group of people (and not everyone is) that made those difficult years so much better for me and I hope I did the same for them. I’ve made life long friends from that era and beyond. I found people that were accepting (perhaps a life amongst the arts) and so it taught me to be the same. I found a lot of people that don’t really care about their past. They do...but they have moved beyond it. Because they found. They discovered. They learned. They...dare I say...accepted. What else can a human being do?
I’ve always been a fan of Thoreau. Not all of his philosophy, to be sure, but simply just being able to see what is around you and appreciate it. To try to do so. Go to nature. See what (in my mind) God presents. For me it was always hikes. Camping. Nature. And yet we see that day in and day out with those we encounter...and it is still there. The natural human being, with all of the warts...all of the petty problems. And the good ones remain. The good remains. Nature remains, pristine as it should be and our own awareness of nature, red in tooth and claw as it can be. Find the good ones. As I have, as I have tried to do and as I have found. In “The Tempest” Shakespeare suggests that “the past is prologue.” It is, and it isn’t. It is a foundational building block of our lives. History matters. Some Christian theology suggests that it is preordained...God has a plan. I believe that both work in tandem. We’re given free will to make of the gifts we’ve been given and then pass that forward to another. And then another. And then another! That passing on can be harsh, no doubt, but it can also be a saving grace. A grace by God and in the end it is how we interpret that.
I really don’t have a message here other than to say...one cannot dwell on the past too much. It is the future given our promise, and the willingness to accept and appreciate what came before to inform it. I can tell you plainly that I would not be the man I was...the man I am...without that influence. My family...and my Family...all of those that inspired me. Taught me. Colored me. And remain to do so now (I have lost a few along the way but they remain as an influence, to be certain!) Social media can be what it is, but I am so thankful that I have those people still in my life in some way. Close personal hugs are always better but just a note...a picture of a life ongoing...an idea that they are doing well. Just to keep in touch, certainly, but also to see their journey. Our journey. A journey.
I am touched by my recent experiences and find it fascinating that some cannot let go of the past and some don’t even care. Both, I think, are wrong. Yet who am I to judge? Because whomever you are, you are touched by your past. As you will be by your future. One informs the other if you are willing to pay attention. And no matter how bad things might have been, that does not have to be your lot in life. Life is promise, should you accept it. Enjoy the little things. Every single one matters! Ghosts will always haunt, but a foundation is built to last. It is a choice, no doubt, but what kind of house would you prefer to live in? One of bitterness born of the past and the slights and cuts offered by those that did not care or even those perceived that did not exist (who does not have those?) or one of a solid foundation built one by one from good friends over many years that provide at least some few memories and experiences gained that helped form what we might be today?
I, for one, choose the latter. (And thank you to all of those that made my formative years happy. It wasn’t easy...but you did so. It certainly informed my thoughts today!) That is all.
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